my family
So lately Ive been feeling down. Not sure why, It could be postpartum stuff, the new bc pills, the fact that we are quarantined so that Mikelle doesn't get sick again, or maybe all the country music Ive been listening to lately. I dunno.
This is how I feel
*tired
*frustrated
*not a good mom
*not a good enough cook
*not clean enough
*broke, not that I would go anywhere with my 2 monsters alone at the moment.
*not a good friend, or like I have no friends since any close friends I had I moved away from and the only contact I have with them is when I call, (if they answer). I feel like the friends I have here are just friendly.
Basically I Just don't feel good enough. I don't feel bubbly and happy. I cant cook. I don't make my spaghetti from my garden grown tomatoes and home made noodles, my stuff is all store bought and right now I'm sure everyone would be ecstatic if I made something like spaghetti. I Don't have any super special talents, I cant paint, I cant sing or dance (not that u want to hear or see anyway). I cant do anything special. I get so frustrated I just want to scream but that doesn't help. I have no patience, its like im on a constant breaking point. My house is a mess and having visitors only seems to make it worse. We are stuck in the house, we cant even go on walks cuz its to cold and has been snowing all the time. The one time I let people in the house who had kids my kids got RSV and Mikelle had to go to the E.R. and be hospitalized, What a great mom, not. I am not supposed to drive anywhere cuz we don't have $ to put gas in my car. I feel completely cut off from the world. My husband gets to leave the house (yes I know its for work) while im stuck at home getting screamed at by a 2 year old and newborn. (at least I know they have good air supply after being sick)
I love my family, don't get me wrong. I am finding I am having the hardest struggles with my 2 year old at the moment. She is under my feet all the time, trying to pick up the baby, knocking over the bouncer in the amount of time it takes me to go to the bathroom. Today I walked out of the bathroom and she was dragging Mikelle to the changing mat by her feet getting ready to "change her diaper". Good thing Mikelle is a good, tough baby. She is stubborn, independent, wont take any help, must have things her way, needs to be constantly entertained... Basically she is "Mini me". And she is driving me crazy.
Today has been a little better. Maybe cuz it did not snow today and the sun came out. Did i mention I HATE the snow? I tried a craft for Kirsten. We made a welcome home sign to put on the garage door for daddy to see when he comes home.
I know life can be tough and life isn't fair blah blah blah. I am grateful for everything and I know I am very lucky to have the family and things I have. Sometimes you still feel like poo.
Gotta love a cute freshly bathed fuzzy head in the morning
Kirsten coloring the sign
Daddy's welcome home sign
Hang in there Jenifer. It will get better. I have been having a lot of the same feelings lately and when I talked to my doctor about it, she checked my vitamin D levels and found that I was extremely low (almost none at all). I have been taking vit. D for about a week now and I feel a ton better already. Anyway, I would definitely talk to your Dr. about how you are feeling.
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